Jeanelle Ablola: "More fully myself in a different way"
PSR student Jeanelle Ablola offers these reflections on the January 2008 PANA course Asian-Pacific Islander Diasporic Political Theology in the Context of Empire Building taught by professor Eleazar Fernandez.
This course gave me a better sense of self. Just before the class started I was sort of having another bout with my lifelong identity crisis, as a seconnd-generation Filipina. The question of whether I am "Filipino enough" is something I occasionally wrestle with. This class educated and informed me on how many Filipinos are out of the geographical location of the Philippines and brought to light why the Filipino Americans I've encountered are how they are. It also informed me how Filipino history still has a hand in shaping who I am and how I was brought up. It helped me be able to embrace even more being raised in the US and being Filipino without making me feel like I had to choose one over the other. It made me more proud in being Filipino American and made me aware of the new rich and relevant culture being formed as a result of hybridity.
I feel more fully myself in a different way because of this course. I'm sure this new self-awareness will help me in my leadership in feeling a little stronger, more confident, will help me more easily navigate solidarity and community and has enabled me to view being Filipino American in a more creative light. It's also, lately, colored how I've been viewing theology and ministry in the context of the theology of struggle - making home in the journey.
The only things that were lacking (not really a reflection of the course itself) that I saw: (1) It was too short. (2) The reading material wasn't readily available at the library or the bookstore. (3) I wish more 2+ generation folks contributed to the discussion. I feel this all would've informed my leadership skills more.
After taking this course, I got a renewed sense of courage in eventually making my way back to Southern California in a leadership role. Once I moved to the bay I was intimidated to go back because the political climate is so different there. Now I feel like I'm a little obligated, and I feel confident that I'll eventually be equipped with what I need (spiritually, academically), to go back and try to make things better.